Forgiveness by proxy

Hi my honeys! Oh…I’m so sorry I’ve been gone so long. Maybe none of you will even read me…I wouldn’t blame you! But please know that I love and adore each and every one of you so very much! You all have a special place in my heart. Hmmm, well I’m not sure where to start…maybe with what I’ve been up to?

I have to make a quick reply to Rhi…I tried to decorate my house with “the keeper”…but keeper angels and other decorations are VERY EXPENSIVE (at $35.00 each!) When I win the lottery…I promise to throw out all of my tampon crafts and replace them with “keeper crafts”!

I will be going home to Texas in 3 weeks to attend my 25th high school reunion. Three months ago I started working my rear off…literally trying to work my rear off…lol. Today I’m really frustrated because I don’t think I’ve worked off even a quarter of my rear!!! That mofo is hanging on for dear life! I’ve never appreciated the song “Baby’s Got Back” more in my life, and I can only hope that my ex-classmates appreciate big butts! As my dear friend David says…”Making love to a skinny girl is like making love to a bicycle!” David, can I take you with me to quote your famous saying to all of my old friends? Maybe they will see me in a different light if you point out how sexy voluptuous women are!

To the rest of you…(and you know who you are)…I’m sending hugs and kisses (with tongue for those who want it) and all the love my heart can hold! Someday we HAVE to plan a blog convention…and all meet!

Maybe you are curious about the title of this post. So here’s the story…

It started 33 years ago, when my pregnant mother and great grandmother were killed in a car accident. My mother was 8 months pregnant and returning home from a doctor’s appointment. My great grandmother was in the car with her. On her way home, another car came around a corner going way too fast on the wrong side of the rode and hit her head on…killing my great grandmother and the driver of the other car (a 14 year old boy) instantly. My mother died 3 hours later, after which they took the baby (a girl named Sunny) and tried to save her to no avail. There was only one survivor in this accident…the 14 year old passenger of the other car.

As I mentioned, I’ll be attending my upcoming reunion and I was asked to do a tribute for those in our class who’ve passed on…one being my best friend, Carol. I once wrote the story of my best friend and how she came to mean so much to me. I thought of reading this story as part of my tribute, but an old wound from 33 years ago sneaked up and smacked me. I was afraid that if I read it…it may confirm in the minds of some, that because of the problems my real mother had before she died…she did indeed cause the accident that killed this young boy. Did I mention that after my mother died…my sister and I moved to the town that this kid (the 14 year old boy) lived and died in?

I’m going to cut and paste part of my letter to Lisa (my best friend’s sister) and her response…

————————————————————

'Anyway, I'm supposed to come up with a tribute for Carol, Roman
and Tina.  I suggested it...and thus was put in charge of it.
I feel very privileged,although I can only come up with one idea...
let me know what you think...or I would LOVE any other
suggestions. I saw on a show one time where all of these
people got together and wrote notes to their loved ones
who have passed on, then they tied them to balloons and
released them.  I thought it was a beautiful idea.
I thought I could frame a picture of each of them
(old ones from the HS annual since I don't
have any current ones of Roman or Tina...(hmmm...will I be
able to do that without cutting up the annual?  I'll have
to figure something out I guess.)  Then I'll place a pretty
piece of 8x10 paper in front of each of them with some pens.
After everyone is done writing a note, we can place the
note in an envelope and set them free with the balloons.
Can you think of anything else?  Does it seem to silly?
Would just a good speech about their lives be a better idea?
I was thinking about reading my story of Carol's passing...
(and I still might)...but it also contains some very
 personal and private stuff about my own life and
it's been my experiencethat some of these people can be
very judgmental.

Oh, I'm about to go way off track for a minute.
 When my mom died in the car accident that also
killed Joe Pat...although most kids were very
 kind to us when we came to Pilot Point...of course
some blamed us for the car accident. I remember once
that Martin's family threw rocks at us and told us
that our mother killed their friend!  I remember
hearing rumors that my mother was drunk...and that
they found tons of empty beer cans in the back of the car.
But here is the REAL truth...according to police
and medical records...

My mother was 8 months pregnant.  She was on
her way home from the doctor with my 75 year old
great grandmother in the car with her.
She WAS NOT drunk.  There were NO beer cans in the car.
She hadn't even been drinking.  Joe Pat and his
passenger (Martin) had skipped school to go fishing.
He was only 14!  Why did his parents give him a car
at 14?  HE came around the corner on the wrong side of
the road and hit my mother head on, which killed him
and my grandmother instantly.  My mother lived for about
3 hours...and when she died they tried to save the baby.
The only beer found in the cars was in Joe Pat's.
There was a 6 pack in the back of his car...but it
had never been opened!  No one was drinking...no one was drunk.
A 14 year old made a tragic mistake and killed
himself and three other innocent people.
But Pilot Point, being the small town
that it is...had to blame someone...
and not one of their own.  So my mother
became a villain.  Rumors flew that she was
 so drunk she couldn't walk!But how could I fight it?
All I could do was deny it...but to no avail.  

Anyway, I'd like to read my story about Carol
and how she came to mean so much to me...
but part of that contains the story of how my
mother married so many times and moved us
around and even did drugs for a while before
cleaning herself up and giving her life to the Lord.
Did I tell you that she re-dedicated her
life to God 2 weeks before she died???
How amazing is that?  I know she is with
God...and that gives me so much relief...
I'll be so happy to see her again one
day.  But she left me with a lot of hurt.
I'm afraid if I read the story, it
will only confirm in the minds of some that
she KILLED THEIR FRIEND.  Although I
was 4 years younger than him, so possibly
my friends won't think anything
really.  They were too young to really know what happened...
but I know they also heard the rumors.

I don't know...maybe I should just read it...
you'd think that since we are all grown-ups it wouldn't
matter after this many years...but it was my experience
just last summer that some of them have the same mentality.

And here is my friend Lisa's response...

 I want to stand in for anyone who hurt you
when your mother passed away and placed blame
and accusation on her and say that I will stand
in their place and ask your forgiveness for adding
sorrow upon sorrow, Holley.  I am so sorry that
your mother was blamed for someone else's
wrongdoing.  I am so sorry that you had to
bear the accusation of not only her being the
cause of the accident, but of adding to the sorrow
by accusing her of being drunk.  I am sorry
that our town did that to you and to your family, Holley!
It was WRONG, WRONG, WRONG, and I ask
you to forgive 'us' for doing that to you!
I stand in for those who did this to you and
to your family and say that 'we' were wrong and
admit it!   Please forgive us, Holley!
I send you my love and also the love of Christ,
so that any wound can be healed in His name.  I love
you, Holley, and I affirm your dignity and the
dignity of your family line.  No family is perfect,
but no one deserves to have this type of slander and
shame cast upon them, and I just decree that all of this is
redeemed, in the mighty name of Jesus!!! 

About the tribute to Carol, Roman, and Tina...
what is coming to my mind(and usually I am not
skeptical about things...) is that proverb from
the Bible about "not casting your pearls before swine."
Okay, now, I don't exactly want to go calling your
classmates 'swine' (sorry), but...I am skeptical
that they have the same kind of beautiful, loving
heart as you!  I am afraid they will just turn
around and trample on what is precious to you.
I suggest trying to keep your tribute sort of
low-key and then letting them run with it from there.
It is sad to say that so many folks do not 'mature'
to a level where they feel comfortable expressing
their feelings in front of others, and what is
dear and precious can, unfortunately, be belittled.
Obviously there is not the maturity level there
in some of your classmates to move past all of
that silly immature judgmentalism that won't
allow them to just be themselves and allow others
to do the same.   I am afraid that if you try to
do something that is too touchy-feely, they might
not 'go there' with you because they aren't
mature enough to do that!  Maybe I'm wrong,
but I would hate to see your heart be stepped on!
I also do not know how they will feel about
personally addressing Carol, Roman, and Tina.
Maybe you could set up a nice photo montage
of each of these folks on a table somewhere and
that would spark some memories and conversation
and then at some point during the reunion time
you could share a memory of each one (maybe
just a brief couple of minutes for each one),
then ask your classmates if they have anything
funny or a good memory of them.
----------------------------------------------

So...you know what?  I officially forgave them.

Anyway, I've decided to take her suggestion and
just do a photo collage of our friends...
friends who no doubt look down on the silliness
of my worries and just shake their heads.

So there it is in a nutshell.
Me...my fat ass...and my neuroses...alive and well,
and missing you all!