Just as I suspected all along…

I AM invisible! Hmmm, (rubbing chin thoughtfully, with a furrowed brow) now I must find a way to use my newfound power for good and not evil.

I sent out emails to many of you announcing the spectacular news that I got a wonderful new job.

The place where I have been working for the past 8 1/2 years was a very negative place. I worked with some of the most hateful, hurtful, passive-aggressive gossipmongers I have ever had the displeasure of meeting. These people seemed to thrive on the misery of others. They seemed to take great pleasure in verbal assault. Believe it or not, there are only six of these people in my department (since my openly racist, bitch of a supervisor retired…and caused me to dance around and sing, “Ding dong the bitch is gone” for weeks afterwards) but let me tell you, these six seem to have the power of 100! They spew their venomous words as though they get paid in accordance with the level of hurt they cause. The one who is the worst and the undisputed leader of the Piranha Pool (Sharon), approached me when she found out that I would be leaving. Her words caused me to stare at her in disbelief, unsure of how to respond. Here is what she said…

Sharon: I’m glad that you got a better job. It will be nice to get out of here, (I can’t remember her words exactly, but it was something like) there are too many hurtful and bad things that go on here. You are a nice person, and I’ll miss you.

Me: (Physically lifting my jaw off the floor, and staring at her in disbelief)…”Thank you.” But as I stared at her, I backed away slowly, afraid that the words that had boiled up from the pit of my stomach and now sat on my tongue trying to pry my mouth open, would sprout wings and fly out at her. I wanted to say something like, “You f-ing hypocrite! You know that you are the ringleader in this circus of hate! Someday…you’ll get yours…and you’ll see how it feels to be on the receiving end of toxic venom!”

Yesterday was my last day there. When I work night shifts, there are only two of us…me and a cashier named Nancy. Nancy is retiring in less than three weeks. I bought her a book that she’s been wanting, and gave her a heartfelt card. She bought me a beautiful porcelain angel, and a very sweet card. I received three other cards from people outside of my department. I spent my last night telling those who have been kind to me…just how much it meant to me. I cook for close to 200 people a night (mostly employees from other departments), and out of those there are about ten who always smile and actually talk to me. I took a moment to tell each of them that they made a real difference in my life. I will truly miss them.

Now here is where my power to be invisible comes in. Not one person (besides Nancy) in my department of about 80…gave me even a card. I know that some of you who’ve been reading me for a while may be thinking that I’m not representing myself truthfully here…that I must be some kind of bitch to deserve the treatment I’ve received from these people, and the lack of acknowledgment that I worked side by side with them for the last 8 1/2 years…but I swear it’s not true! I’ve truly tried to make a difference there. I’ve been kind, and helpful…and done what I can to make it a better place…but I obviously failed miserably.

As I left yesterday, I felt numb. I had absolutely no emotion. I was not happy and I was not sad. I didn’t even feel relief. I just felt that it was an end to one chapter of my life.

Now I look forward to the next chapter, and working at a place where I KNOW I can and will make a difference. I was all set to tell you more about my new job…but since this is already very long…I will write about it in a few days.

My Friendly Ghost

Strange things have been happening in my presence for many years. When I say, “strange”, I mean that these experiences seem to be “other worldly”. Here is an old post that gives many examples of the things I’ve experienced.

I believe that least one or more of my loved ones who’ve passed on, stay close to me, or at least check in on me occasionally, and try to let me know that they are there.

I don’t remember these things happening to me when I was a child…but then again I was terrified to even think of the spirit world when I was a child. After my mother died when I was ten years old, I had several dreams about her…each dream was very frightening. In my dreams I knew she was dead, but she would drive up (in the car that she was driving when she was killed), and walk in and just look at me. She looked normal and alive in my dreams…but I knew she was dead and I would run to get as far away from her as possible.

I remember once having a dream that I was in my room and she just walked in. She really was alive (in the dream) and she told me that she didn’t really get killed in a car accident. She said that she and her husband had been on vacation in Hawaii. She said that they told us she was dead because she couldn’t afford to take us with her to Hawaii. OUR FAMILY TOLD US THAT SHE WAS DEAD SO SHE COULD GO ON VACATION WITHOUT US! I suppose I didn’t trust her very much. Either that or I wanted her back so badly that I would forgive her cruel hoax, if only I could have her back. In real life, she did take several vacations without us. I can only think of one vacation that we were allowed to go on, and that was a weekend at the beach.  So that could have been the reason for the dream too.

As a child I remember hearing others talk about the spirit world, and I’m sure I had seen movies, about people who had passed on appearing before loved ones. I prayed and prayed that my mother would not appear to me. I don’t know exactly why I was so terrified, but many nights I laid in bed afraid that I would open my eyes and see my mother standing beside my bed.

I don’t know what I was thinking, but one night as I lay in bed in the dark by myself…I began to speak to my mother. I asked her to show herself to me if she was able, and I pulled the covers up over half of my face. The only thing showing was my eyes. My heart was beating wildly. I waited and waited but she never showed herself, much to my relief.

Only once has she appeared to me in a dream where I was not afraid….and this happened about seven years ago I guess. She was absolutely beautiful and glowing. She looked so happy and radiant.

Where I work, some strange things have happened that cause me to think someone is not only with me and watching over me…but he/she or they want me to know that they are there. Today something strange happened at work that I thought I would share.

We have automatic soap dispensers and paper towel dispensers so that you never have to touch either…you just have to place your hands in front of the sensor. I stopped at one of the paper towel dispensers and took a towel. I stepped about three feet away from the dispenser and began drying a cart. About five or six seconds later another towel came out of the dispenser. I was the only one there and I wasn’t close enough to set off the sensor. I stared at the dispenser then reached over and took the towel. I stepped away again and continued drying the cart. About six or seven seconds later, another towel came out. There was no breeze and I was not close enough to set it off. Again I stared at the dispenser, but this time I smiled (and under my breath, because I was a bit embarrassed to be speaking to no one) I said, “Thank you.”

About an hour later another employee came in. I asked her if she would indulge me for a moment. She followed me to the dispenser and I told her what had happened. I asked her to take a towel then to step back to where I was standing and just wait a moment. She did and nothing happened. She stepped in and took another towel then stepped back. Nothing happened. No more towels just automatically came out. Then she said, “Holley, whoever it was…they were here for you, not me, and I absolutely do believe that spirits visit us.”

I don’t know who it is or even if it is someone…but I’m not afraid like when I was a child. There have also been many instances where elevators and manual doors (that have the ability to open if you push the handicap button) have opened as I approach and no one else is around. I’m sure I sound like a kook…and maybe I am…but I think these things are pretty cool when they happen. Well, I don’t mind some of these things…some of the things that have happened in the story that I linked…have really frightened me. I guess I have a sense that whoever is opening doors and giving me towels is someone I love, and he or she is saying, “I’m here, and I love you.”